Following a week during which:
– Juventus put Inter in their place AGAIN.
– Chelsea’s young guns shot the lights out AGAIN.
– Liverpool won AGAIN.
– Manchester City dropped points AGAIN.
We, using quotes from Succession season two, and while listening to Pusha T’s remix of the Nicholas Britell penned Succession soundtrack (yes, this is a real thing), rank the 15 best teams in Europe.
15) Nantes (New Entry)
La Maison Jaune have won three on the bounce in Ligue 1 and now sit second in the table, just two points adrift of Paris Saint-Germain.
If that’s not Amazing plus Incredible then I don’t know what is.
14) Inter (Down 5)
In previous iterations of 90min’s Definitive European Power Rankings, the following was written about Inter:
So after last weekend’s humbling at the hand of Juventus, we’re not going to say ‘we told you so’ but…yeah, actually, we are:
We told you so.
13) Red Bull Salzburg (Re-Entry)
“I’m golden, baby.”
Goals Scored: 46 (yes, 46)
Goals Conceded: 9
Goal Difference: +37 (yes, +37)
In the Austrian Bundesliga, Red Bull Salzburg are golden, baby.
12) Atalanta (Re-Entry)
“It looks like there might be a slight uptick in ticket sales.”
– Champions League football? Check.
– A top three side in Serie A? Check.
– Exciting style of play? Check.
– World class goalscorer? Check.
– World class trequartista? Check.
– World class, newly refurbished stadium? Check.
It looks like there’s going to yet another uptick in ticket sales for Atalanta games in the coming months.
Famalicão are still top of the league!
So rejoice at the feel-good story of the year for one more week (at least).
10) Manchester City (Down 7)
It’s become abundantly clear in recent weeks that Aymeric Laporte’s injury might be the end of Manchester City’s title challenge.
They been sucked into a black hole of playing the embarrassingly awful John Stones and Nicolas Otamendi, and until Laporte is back, they will not get out of it.
9) Ajax (-)
Ajax made about a quarter of a billion dollars during the 2019 summer transfer window, but they also turned down about a quarter of a billion dollars too.
And thank God they did.
If they didn’t, they wouldn’t have the likes of Hakim Ziyech and David Neres keeping them relevant in the Netherlands and on the continent.
8) Real Madrid (Re-Entry)
“So I hereby convene the meeting of the newly formed ‘what the f*ck are we gonna do’ committee.”
There were, approximately 23,458 ‘what the f*ck are we gonna do’ committee meetings over the past 12 months at Real Madrid, as the club’s hierarchy tried – mostly in vein – to turn their faltering football team around.
Now, it looks like they might have just worked it out. They finally found that the answer to many of their problems was right in front of them all along.
It’s James Rodriguez…of all people.
7) Bayern Munich (Down 6)
How did you lose to Hoffenheim at the Allianz Arena?
How does that happen?
6) Chelsea (Up 4)
5) Paris Saint-Germain (-)
4) Borussia Monchengladbach (New Entry)
3) Barcelona (Up 3)
2) Liverpool (-)
“Hey, this is where the party is at. Look at us, all the cool and beautiful people in one spot.”
Liverpool fans, it’s time to party.
For the first time in what feels like 3,000 years (since 1990, to be exact), your football time has won the English top flight; and deservedly so.
What. A. Team.
1) Juventus (Up 3)
“Bill. The best boss that ever lived. It’s like Mandela f*cked Santa and gave birth to Bill.”
Maurizio. The best boss that ever lived. It’s like Arrigo Sacchi f*cked Marcello Lippi and gave birth to Maurizio.
For he has worked wonders at Juventus.
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